Head Games - ch.14 - Jordan

Jordan and Skyler have an in-depth and deeply personal conversation where they get to know more about each other than they initially intended.

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Skyler POV

There were several ways I could have answered that question. The obvious one was to play ignorant and pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about. But the mere fact that he was asking meant he already knew I had seen something, and denying it would only make me look like an idiot.

It surprised me that he knew. I thought I had done a good enough job of pretending I was still asleep. What puzzled me was where he was going with it. As far as the guys knew, he was straight, just comfortable enough with his sexuality to room with three gay guys.

But I saw him watching bisexual porn. More than that, I watched him get off to it. It wasn’t only the raw sex that seemed to affect him. He reacted to the male on male interactions more than the rest of it.

So what was his deal? Curiosity was still a possibility. Or maybe there was more to it, and he was a closet case for some reason. Family pressure, perhaps. It was entirely possible that he supported everyone else while holding himself back because of what the people at home might think.

Though, if that was the case, why not use the distance college gave him to open up and explore a little? That was what I intended to do, and something I already started doing with Theo.

“I saw enough,” I said, hoping that would answer his question without giving anything away.

Jordan’s grin widened. “That wasn’t the important part.”

“Oh?”

“Did you enjoy watching it?”

The question felt like a challenge. Like he was trying to trap me in some way, but I failed to see how. I considered how Theo would react to the knowledge, and honestly the only reaction I could see him having was disappointment that I didn’t wake him for it.

Theo and Carson were still getting their drinks, distracted by whatever topic was dominating their conversation.

“I did,” I said. And then followed it up with a question of my own. “So what’s your deal then? The guys told me you’re straight.”

He turned and looked in their direction again before answering. “That’s complicated. I really don’t know what I am.”

I wanted to say, no shit Sherlock. He was being closeted among a bunch of guys he had no need to be closeted around. But maybe that was the problem. The expectation. Was he concerned about them knowing? Expecting they might push him to accept it rather than actually evaluate it and decide. The perception among many is that it is a choice. Possibly a perception that he himself holds. I guess for some, it might be. But not the majority. For most of us, we know it before we understand what it means. So when time comes, we may keep it hidden, like I did, but we still accept it.

His experience is obviously something else.

Realizing we were running out of time before the others joined us, I presented an offer. “Let’s talk later?” For some reason he seemed willing to open up to me without actually knowing me. Likely because I uncovered his secret and he wanted to stop me from telling Theo and the others. Not that I would do such a thing.

He just nodded, somewhat eagerly.

Theo and Carson reached the table before either of us could say anything else. Our conversation ended there, though Jordan continued looking my way as we ate. You could tell he had a lot on his mind. Concern I might say something to the others, and even relief at the prospect of having someone to talk to, even if it was a potentially forced scenario.

There was something almost pleased in his expression, as though admitting he didn’t know what he was had lifted some burden from him. Being able to say it aloud, finally. It’s a huge step. Especially if it’s something that’s been weighing on you.

“What’s your major?” I asked.

“Business administration,” he answered with a pretty flat voice, so while it’s a safe choice for a major, it’s not one he sounded particularly passionate about. When I asked if that was what he had always wanted to study, he shook his head.

“I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but my parents insisted I pick something before I came here. Being undeclared wasn’t an option.” He said the last part with a mocking tone, clearly imitating one of his parents.

“So you chose business because?”

“It’s broad and useful? Regardless of what you want to do in life, business is always a factor.” He gestured to Theo with his fork. “Even Theo, selling his artwork, has aspects of business you can’t avoid.”

“It’s mostly a way to buy time until he figures out what he wants to do,” Jesse added.

Jordan nodded again, agreeing with his statement.

It wasn’t all bad, from the way he explained it. He enjoyed the sales and marketing side of it, particularly the parts involving people. Which seems fitting, because Jordan has an easy confidence about him, and he appeared perfectly comfortable having people watch him in a relatively intimate scenario.

I wondered if that’s why he seemed open to talking to me later. I’d seen a side of him no one else had.

We moved through the rest of breakfast with Carson and Theo carrying most of the conversation, while Jordan and I occasionally joined in between bites.

We were nearly finished when Jesse looked at his watch and spoke to Theo.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in the studio this morning?” he asked Theo.

Theo glanced at the time on his phone, though his lack of concern suggested he already knew exactly how late it was getting. “I was planning on skipping it.”

“What kind of studio is it?” I asked. I was conflicted about the idea of Theo skipping class on my behalf. It was somewhat flattering that he was eager to spend more time with me, but concerning because I didn’t want him to skip out on the important things, and his art is very important to him.

“Figure drawing.”

“So, they put something on a pedestal in the middle of class and you draw it?” I asked. Maybe it wasn’t so important. I imagined such a scenario would almost be boring for someone as talented as Theo.

“Nope,” Jesse answered for him. “A live model.” he clarified. “Nude,” he said with some enthusiasm.

Now I really was flattered that Theo would be open to skipping out on that to spend time with me.

Theo nodded, and Jordan grinned. I imagined, the way he seemed to enjoy attention, he was imagining himself as the model. It would touch on his apparent interest in exhibitionism, given that he put on a show for me. While still keeping his sexual interest and orientation a secret.

“It’s not nearly as exciting as you’re making it sound,” Theo replied, and I wondered if that was more a statement about the intended model rather than the class. Because I could easily see Theo enjoying drawing a model he was interested in.

“I can hang out with Skyler while you’re in class,” Jordan offered.

That would make a good opportunity for me to talk to him, uninterrupted.

Theo looked between us for a moment before shrugging. “You can’t come into the studio. They don’t allow visitors during live model sessions.”

“That’s fair. You should go. I’ll keep Skyler company while you’re busy.”

Theo looked in my direction, to see if that would be ok. And the fact he was asking told me he was interested in going to class, so I just smiled and nodded, silently giving my approval.

Theo quickly finished the last of his omelet and was out the door with a quick peck on the cheek and a promise to see me in a couple hours.